of us wonder how could someone we
care about and that we think we
know so well, break our trust(and
our heart) and threaten our cherished
relationship with such deceit and
lies? Questions such as:
"How can he live with himself?"
" How can he expect to live
with me ever again?" "How
can he be mad at me after what he
did?" and "How can I ever
trust again?" normally arise.
am amazed that Billy could so effectively
deceive two women for 10 years and
that you never found out about each
our HOPES for what the relationship
could be along with our desperate
NEED for love blinds us to what
really IS happening.
you operate with blind trust, you
begin to ignore your gut feelings
and stop seeing the warning signs
of dishonest behavior; looking
past the obvious, overlooking important
clues like a relative calling to
tell you "HE'S MARRIED!!!"....and
not asking questions such as: "where
exactly do you go when your NOT
with me?" and, "Why can't
I go with you?" Instead we
make excuses for his behavior and
deny reality in order to not rock
the boat. Or worst, we turn on ourself
and ask" "What's
wrong with me? Why am I so suspicious?"
We all want to trust. Trust feels
when our need to TRUST is greater
than our need to know TRUTH, we
begin to go deaf, dumb and blind
by suspending our critical judgement,
ignoring contradictory information,
and denying our intuitions and knowing.
Even though you state that you confronted
Billy and even left, it sounds like
you continually gave him the benefit
of the doubt and rarely reality-tested
what he told you until it was too
we fool ourselves by saying, "This
won't happen again. I'll give him
another chance." over and over
again, even though inside ourselves,
something is jumping up and down
saying "YIKES! this doesn't
feel right at all!"
When we deceive our KNOWING, we
end up doubting ourself, distrusting
our ability to read the incoming
signals, and seriously endangering
our self-esteem. Then when the relationship
finally does end, we are hit with
the double whammy of feeling devastated
by our partner's betrayal AND by
our own abandonment and self mistrust.
The dynamics within you that allowed
you to fall victim and believe his
words over his actions over a ten
year period, are connected to your
self-esteem and beliefs about what
you deserve. It's time
clean your own house, so
that you don't act out the same
patterns with a new man.
are some quick tips to get the ball
the role you played.
We all want to blame the betrayer,
but every relationship dance involves
two people. What part did you play?
yourself 'what do I need to learn
about myself so that I will never
be so blindsided again?'
some time to identify your
and practicing supreme
self-care. When you are able to
give yourself what you need, the
love you seek from another is less
dependent and needy-based.
Practice listening to your
gut feelings and honoring what you
for certainty and
constancy when dealing with others
rather than giving them the benefit
of the doubt.
define know what your looking for
in your relationship.
What are your hopes, beliefs, and
requirements for your relationship?
What is toxic and not acceptable?
build your self-esteem.
We attract in exactly what we feel
we deserve. It's time to raise the
the side panel are some books, tests
and videos that may start you on
your healing journey to clarity.
the Mr/Ms Wrong for you Test
talking about the Mr/Ms Wrong Test
Sheri on "E! Entertainment
'Ask Sheri' advice column, is made
available for the sole purposes
of providing general information
and education and is not meant to
serve as a substitute or replacement