From
Revati:
Dear Stressed,
Your solution
is simple. Leave him.
You deserve, and will attract, a man
who will love you and only you, along
WITH your gorgeous, precious little
ones. The time to do this is now,
before the children are fully old
enough to completely realize the duplicity
of their father. If you have a boy,
imagine the lesson that will teach
him about how males are to behave
towards women: "I heard my father
say 'I love you' to another woman
on the phone. And mom acted like it
was okay... so it must be okay."
If you have a girl, seeing her father
treat you like this will devastate
her. I had a father who did this to
my mother, and at 33 I cannot open
my heart to a man. I was 6 when I
noticed what was happening. And my
mother okayed it. Somehow this made
it much worse. So think of your children.
NEVER think you won't find another
man. You will find one, and he will
be truer, better, gentler, more committed
than the liar in your life right now.
The first step in claiming a happier
new life is to step into that life.
Leave this man at once. Take the children
and move in with your sister, your
mother, or take a new home for yourself.
Your cheating husband will immediately
come looking for you. This is your
moment to look him in the eye and
say, "No thanks. Go back to the
woman from your past." And "Goodbye."
I promise you, when you're in the
arms of the man who will love you
and cherish your children, you'll
look back on your first husband and
wonder what you were thinking.
No compromises. No negotiation. Pack
your things right now, get the kids
dressed, and EXIT.
Revati
From
Older & Wiser
Dear Stressed,
I am
so sorry for the pain you are feeling
right now. What I'm about to say will
seem very harsh to you, but please
read all the way to the end, and consider
carefully what I have to say. Believe
it or not, I've been in your shoes
before...and hers.
So you want to raise your children
in a "traditional family"?
That is simply not possible in the
scenario you describe. Your husband,
by openly continuing his affair is
essentially engaging in a "plural
marriage" with two wives: you
and his lover. Even if they are never
physically intimate again, the ongoing
contact and expressions of love (IN
FRONT OF YOU?!!) between your husband
and his lover constitute an a continuing
emotional affair. Take it from me,
emotional affairs are just as devastating,
perhaps even more than pure physical
flings.
And guess what, Stessed, YOU are the
wife who gets to cook for, clean up
after, perform childcare for, and
otherwise cater to this selfish jerk.
Sounds like the other woman has a
pretty good deal- she gets to be admired
and adored with no commitments, no
maintenence, and no strings.
This so-called "family"
situation is anything but traditional.
It is sick, sick, SICK! Is this the
kind of example you want to set for
your children? If you allow this surreal
arrangement to continue, then both
your husband and YOU are emotionally
abusing your children. I urge you
to dig down deep inside, and ask yourself-
are you really concerned for your
children? Or are you simply afraid
to be an adult, and face the world
without a man? You have got to grow
up, toughen up, and REALLY put your
children first-- not YOUR fear, not
YOUR insecurity, or YOUR lack of courage.
Take responsibility for your life
and the well-being of your children,
and leave him now. He will never,
ever change- believe me. I was the
"other woman" who "won"
and got my man... as anyone with a
brain would have predicted, he did
the same thing to me 5 years later,
after we had a child together. Now,
after years of therapy- I finally
have my act together and can face
the awful reality of what we all did-
as immature, selfish and cowardly
adults, we (him, his first wife, and
me) almost ruined the lives of 2 beautiful
innocent children (his first, and
ours). Don't make the same mistake.
Gather your courage and leave.
-Older
and Wiser Now
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