|
|
|
|
As a relationship expert
and therapist, I have been asked to answer a lot
of questions about relationships over the years. Most
of the questions and concerns that are being expressed
by my viewers and web site visitors are on topics
that I think have universal interest. That's
why I've decided to share some of these questions
and my answers with you. Here's a forum in
which you can help each other and be heard. If
you have any experiences that you would like to
share or comments to add to what has been written,
I will post them here. Also, if you have any
questions or concerns that you would like addressed,
please email
me and I will
answer you on site.
(Disclaimer and Terms of Use)
"Coming Apart"
|
|
|
 |
Dear Jackie,
I hear
how your heart is breaking, but girl,
you've got to move on! It may be
the death of your marriage, but don't
let it be the death of YOU. If
this relationship has been your security
blanket and being "Mrs. So and So"
gave you a sense of structure, footing
and value in the world, then this 'abandonment'
may leave you feeling like your feet are
in the air and there's nothing to lean
against. What hurts the most is
not facing the loss of HIM, as much as
the loss of your own identity.
Believe
it or not, intense grieving is one of
the natural stages you must go through
in the process of healing. However,
staying stuck and isolated in your pain
is a sure-fire way to avoid change and
to stay a victim. You mentioned
that your friends are saying you should
move on. It's probably because they see
the light at the end of the tunnel and
know that on the other side of grief,
is a new beginning.As you let go of the
old ways of how things used to be, you'll
make room for all the new experiences
and discoveries that lay ahead.This is
an opportunity to be the architect of
your own choices and rebuild a new and
improved life. There are parts of
you waiting to be rediscovered that got
'mislaid' during your marriage.
I have counseled hundreds of women who
also believed they'd never get through
it, who now, actually thank their husbands
for leaving. Rather than focusing
on the loss of HIM, it's time to refocus
on the RESURRECTION of your SELF.
Obviously
Jackie, it takes time to heal. Read the
articles listed under the Related Links
on the side of this page. I've also listed
some books that can help make the process
go a little easier. Good luck.
Sheri
The 'Ask
Sheri' advice column, is made available
for the sole purposes of providing general
information and education and is not meant
to serve as a substitute or replacement
for therapy.
|
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"Divorce
is hard on everyone, including guys.
I
was divorced 5 years ago and am still
recovering. I'm dating, but that's
it for me. I don't think I will
every marry again or let any woman
in too close.. Not sure I can
ever trust a woman again."
Bill
Encino, CA
"I
thought I'd never get through my divorce
or make all the adjustments to single
parenting and single life. But I did.
My ex and I had a messy divorce but
we spared the kids and I'm glad we
did. I still don't like him much but
I didn't get in the way of my kids
relationship with him. In fact,
my kids now have a better relationship
with my ex than they ever did when
we were together. He is spending
quality time with them without relying
on me to be the activities director. I
also get some quality time alone without
them which I desperately need. I
think what I want to tell you is...no
matter how bleak it may seem right
now, you'll get through it and there
IS sunshine at the end of this tunnel. Sooner
or later, it all works out and all
the pieces fall into place." Good
luck!" Suzi
Los Angeles, CA
"I
don't get your show, but I love your
web site. I'm writing in response
to "Coming Apart." and to
tell your readers that
there is love and life after a love
has died! I
met a great guy. I am madly in love
and this relationship is the best
one yet. After my last break-up, I
remember laying in bed, crying--night
after night, thinking I'll never love
again. I admit, I had to do some
serious work on myself for awhile
learning about why I pick the men
that I do. And just when I was
ready to accept "Ok, I may be
alone for the rest of my life" in
walked John. I'm happy to say
he was worth the wait and the work
and the losses that I had to go through
to get ready for him. Because
this guy is like winning the
million dollar lottery." Bettye
New York, NY
"Divorce
sucks!" Paul
Santa Monica, CA
|
email
Sheri |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If
you want to browse Sheri's "Ask Sheri" question
archive click here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
