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Books

"Trust Me Mom, Everyone Else is Going"
by
Roni Cohen-Sandler
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7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Sean Covey
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7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Workbook
Sean Covey
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Dont Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens
Richard Carlson

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The Seven Best Thing Smart Teens Do

John Friel, Ph.D.

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Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years
kKaren Levin Coburn &
Marge Treeger

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Videos
Letting Go Forgiveness is the willingness to let go of the hurtful past, our condemning judgments and grievances and instead choose inner peace. But where do we begin? Dr. Jampolsky addresses what forgiveness is, the health implications of being unforgiving and how to open the door to having more love in your life.

What is REAL Love?Forgiveness is the willingness to let go of the hurtful past, our condemning judgments and grievances and instead choose inner peace. But where do we begin? Dr. Jampolsky addresses what forgiveness is, the health implications of being unforgiving and how to open the door to having more love in your life.

Handling ChangeForgiveness is the willingness to let go of the hurtful past, our condemning judgments and grievances and instead choose inner peace. But where do we begin? Dr. Jampolsky addresses what forgiveness is, the health implications of being unforgiving and how to open the door to having more love in your life.

 


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From the Heart Media Television Shows and videos developed by media psychotherapist, interviewer and talk show host, Sheri Meyers Gantman, to facilitate personal growth and improve your health and relationships. Straight from the Heart TV
Sheri Meyers Gantman - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
 
 

As a relationship expert and therapist, I have been asked to answer a lot of questions about relationships over the years. Most of the questions and concerns that are being expressed by my viewers and web site visitors are on topics that I think have universal interest. That's why I've decided to share some of these questions and my answers with you. Here's a forum in which you can help each other and be heard. If you have any experiences that you would like to share or comments to add to what has been written, I will post them here. Also, if you have any questions or concerns that you would like addressed, please email me  and I will answer you on site. (Disclaimer and Terms of Use)

" Sex, Trust, and Sixteen Year-Olds"



Dear Sheri,


I am 16 years old and live in Canada. For the last 7 months I have been dating the girl or my dreams, however her parents are very protective of her. They think that the only reason that any male would date a female is for sex. While I do agree that in many cases that this would be true, it is not in my case. Her parents will not allow her to come over to my house and for her to visit with my family as we may have time to have sex. They are also not allowing me to see her at their house. This is becoming very hard for me to deal with as I do not want sex, and just want to be able to spend time with my girlfriend alone. I will admit that we have "made out" a few times, and her mother found out. Her mother is overreacting with this in my opinion and using this to say that I only do want sex. It really isn't true, and I am more than happy not doing anything else. How can I get her mother to understand that I do not want sex, and that I only want to love and care for her daughter?


Thank you for your time,
Confused


Dear Confused,   

Few men have not had occasion in their lives to come across over-protective parents in their relations with the fairer sex. It is almost a rite of passage. Joseph Campbell would compare it to the story of the knight who must conquer the dragon to save the maiden. However instead of slaying the dragon, you have to get it to like you. This is far more difficult. You see, parents are wired to be protective of their children, especially their female children, and distrustful of those who may be a threat to their virtue. Do not take it personally. Instead, you must overcome the distrust through communication and consistency.


First of all, you need to change their image of you. They imagine you as a testosterone-crazed, sex-hungry adolescent. You need to convince them that you are a man of honor who truly cares for their daughter. For this to happen they must get to know you. I recommend arranging a dinner with both your families so that each can become acquainted with the other. Then I would try and get invited to her house for family dinner. And when you are there, talk.
Tell them about yourself, your goals and desires. Make them see you as individual instead of just another horny teenager. Depending on how cautious the parents are, they will begin to warm up to you if you consistently present yourself as an honorable and well-intentioned guy. The more they get to know you, the more freedom you will have to explore your relationship with their daughter.


As parents, it is so difficult for us to know when we have become too protective of our children. Are the girl’s parents wrong to be distrustful of a teenage boy courting their daughter? Of course not. But it is important to remember that our job is to train our children to become healthy adults. Too often, parents shelter their kids from any and all possible dangers and then, when they hit 18, send them off to college to face life without a net. By being too protective, we can leave our children unprepared for adulthood and thus put them in greater danger then ever! People ask me- So where is the balance point between holding back and letting go? And the answer is- there is no one answer. Every parent must find that median within themselves. What is for sure is that children who have parents who take an active role in their lives, who develop trust and communication, usually grow up to become successful adults. And really, what more could a parent want?

All the best,

Sheri

 



Do you have any suggestions, comments or feedback for 'Confused'? Please send them to me and I will post them here.

From Chris in Los Angeles.....

Hey bud. Listen, you sound like a romantic and all but having once been a 16 year old boy, I find it hard to believe that your interest is... purely non-sexual. You have no choice but to want to have sex with this girl, it's in your genes! I'm sure you're a good guy, but you can't tell me that your goal isn't to eventually consumate your relationship.

I feel your pain man. It's a tough situation but it's one we all go through. Just keep your chin up and remember- even if worst comes to worst and you never see this girl again, there are plenty of others out there just waiting for some hopeless romantic to sweep them off their feet.

Take care and good luck!

-Chris,
Los Angeles, CA

 

 

 


If you have questions or concerns that you would like addressed or comments for those who have written in, please click here to email Sheri

 

 

 

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