|As a relationship expert
and therapist, I have been asked to answer a lot
of questions about relationships over the years. Most
of the questions and concerns that are being expressed
by my viewers and web site visitors are on topics
that I think have universal interest. That's
why I've decided to share some of these questions
and my answers with you. Here's a forum in
which you can help each other and be heard. If
you have any experiences that you would like to
share or comments to add to what has been written,
I will post them here. Also, if you have any
questions or concerns that you would like addressed,
me and I will
answer you on site. (Disclaimer
" Sex, Trust, and Sixteen
men have not had occasion in their lives
to come across over-protective parents
in their relations with the fairer sex.
It is almost a rite of passage. Joseph
Campbell would compare it to the story
of the knight who must conquer the dragon
to save the maiden. However instead of
slaying the dragon, you have to get it
to like you. This is far more difficult.
You see, parents are wired to be protective
of their children, especially their female
children, and distrustful of those who
may be a threat to their virtue. Do not
take it personally. Instead, you must
overcome the distrust through communication
First of all, you need to change their
image of you. They imagine you as a testosterone-crazed,
sex-hungry adolescent. You need to convince
them that you are a man of honor who truly
cares for their daughter. For this to
happen they must get to know you. I recommend
arranging a dinner with both your families
so that each can become acquainted with
the other. Then I would try and get invited
to her house for family dinner. And when
you are there, talk.
Tell them about yourself, your goals and
desires. Make them see you as individual
instead of just another horny teenager.
Depending on how cautious the parents
are, they will begin to warm up to you
if you consistently present yourself as
an honorable and well-intentioned guy.
The more they get to know you, the more
freedom you will have to explore your
relationship with their daughter.
As parents, it is so difficult for us
to know when we have become too protective
of our children. Are the girl’s
parents wrong to be distrustful of a teenage
boy courting their daughter? Of course
not. But it is important to remember that
our job is to train our children to become
healthy adults. Too often, parents shelter
their kids from any and all possible dangers
and then, when they hit 18, send them
off to college to face life without a
net. By being too protective, we can leave
our children unprepared for adulthood
and thus put them in greater danger then
ever! People ask me- So where is the balance
point between holding back and letting
go? And the answer is- there is no one
answer. Every parent must find that median
within themselves. What is for sure is
that children who have parents who take
an active role in their lives, who develop
trust and communication, usually grow
up to become successful adults. And really,
what more could a parent want?
Do you have any suggestions,
comments or feedback for
'Confused'? Please send
them to me and I will
post them here.
Chris in Los Angeles.....
bud. Listen, you sound
like a romantic and
all but having once
been a 16 year old boy,
I find it hard to believe
that your interest is...
purely non-sexual. You
have no choice but to
want to have sex with
this girl, it's in your
genes! I'm sure you're
a good guy, but you
can't tell me that your
goal isn't to eventually
consumate your relationship.
I feel your pain man.
It's a tough situation
but it's one we all
go through. Just keep
your chin up and remember-
even if worst comes
to worst and you never
see this girl again,
there are plenty of
others out there just
waiting for some hopeless
romantic to sweep them
off their feet.
care and good luck!
Los Angeles, CA