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Coming Apart Questions and Answers

Ways We Push Love From Our Life

Ways to Self-Nurture

 

Books

This link will take you to the books on divorce and loss that I highly recommend.

Great Shows on this Topic

Mending Your Broken Heart

"Coming Apart"

Strengthening Your Over-Sensitive Heart


Coping With Anxiety & Stress

The Roadmap to Forgiveness

 
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From the Heart Media Television Shows and videos developed by media psychotherapist, interviewer and talk show host, Sheri Meyers Gantman, to facilitate personal growth and improve your health and relationships. Straight from the Heart TV
Sheri Meyers Gantman - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist


"A relationship is a process and not a destination. It is not necessarily the final resting place of the persons who enter into it, but a vital and growing entity which has a life--and a lifetime--of its own."

Daphne Rose Kingma
Coming Apart

More on this Topic: Coming Apart Questions and Answers

Here's a first aid kit for...

MAKING THE TRANSITION GO EASIER

Remember this transition time is not just a test of your coping mechanisms, it is also an opportunity to come into contact with some of your long suppressed and most precious attributes as a person. 

Support is the key: Find a good therapist. Maintain continuity in your personal relationships. Talk to friends. Use friends for emotional support, sounding boards, companionship. Build a social life. Join a group. Keep busy! Create a phone list for hard times and USE IT! Here are some groups you can join: all woman's group, a divorce recovery group travel club, political club, theater club, choir, athletic club, investment club, dining out club, spiritual gatherings. Take a class. Frequent museums, concerts, theater, art gallery openings. Get involved in a sport.

It all depends on attitude: What we think about our situation contributes to how we handle the transition. If you hear yourself saying, "I can't take it," "I'll never make it!" chances are your body will respond by tensing up. Stop scaring yourself! Your body automatically responds to the messages you say to yourself. Replace your negative thoughts with positive responses. "I can take it." "I'll get through this and move on!" 

Change your scene: Do something NEW. Take up a new hobby, learn a new language, find a new sport, get a new haircut, buy an article of clothing you never dreamed of wearing, travel, redecorate, buy some fresh flowers, new bedding, put new pictures in the photo frames, get rid of the old reminders and mementos. 

Take care of your body: The more you rest, eat well and exercise, the better you will feel physically, and this will help you feels better psychologically. Do something physical: jog, yoga, bicycle, go to the gym, dance, scrub the floor, take a walk in beauty. The link between your mind and body is a strong one. Just as negative thoughts create tension in your body, body movements of freedom ease the strain and stresses of our minds.

Lists, Lists and More Lists: Create a "Things I Can Do When I'm Overwhelmed List" Start with #1 and work your way down the list. Focusing on something constructive can help you get re-centered. Create a "phone list for hard times". Keep it by the phone and use it whenever you need to talk to someone. You don't have to go through this all alone. Reach out and touch someone. Create a "20 Things I Love List" and take a day to do them all.

Fill your life by fulfilling your own desires: Do something you've been wanting to do. Pursue a new creative, enjoyable activity. Get the degree you've been afraid to get, Make plans. Stay busy.

Do something for someone else. Being there with compassion for someone else lessens our own sense of isolation. Do some volunteer work at a local shelter, become a Big Sister, donate your unused household items. Giving is a great heart opener.

More on this Topic: Coming Apart Questions and Answers


BOOKS 
If you are interested in this topic here's some books and authors you might like: (Click on Author's Name to find out about these books and more.)
"How to Survive the Loss of a Love"
Harold Bloomfield & Melba Colgrove, Ph.D.
"Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours."
Daphne Rose Kingma
A comforting step by step guide to the emotional process of parting as well as a series of exercises designed to enable you to work through the ending of your relationship.
"Who Dies: An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying"
Stephen Levine
This book shows us how to participate fully in life as the perfect preparation for whatever may come next, be it sorrow or joy, loss or gain, death or a new wonderment at life. MORE INFO / PURCHASE
"Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life"
Abigail Trafford
Charts the emotional journey of the breakup of a marriage--identifying the common phases that lead to separation, divorce, and, eventually, to a new life. MORE INFO / PURCHASE
"Surviving the Breakup"
Judith Wallerstein & Joan B. Kelly
Study of the effect of divorce on kids. Based on the Children of Divorce Project, the landmark study of how children, adolescents and their parents cope during the first five years after a family dissolution. MORE INFO / PURCHASE

Books for Kids:
"Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families"
Laurene Brown
Goes step by step in explaining to kids 5 to 10 what really happens in a divorce. MORE INFO / PURCHASE
"How it Feels When Parents Divorce"
Jill Krementz
19 children from age 7-17, from diverse backgrounds, share their deepest feelings about divorce. MORE INFO / PURCHASE
"Divorce Happens to the Nicest Kids: A Self Help Book for Kids"
Michael Prokop
Ages 9-12. Explains divorce in a positive and reassuring manner as he consicely disproves fourteen irrational false beliefs concerning divorce that often cause children and adolescents to feel anxious, guilty, nervous and depressed. MORE INFO / PURCHASE
Link to more great books on this topic

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