More on this Topic: Coming
Apart Questions and Answers
Here's a first aid kit for...
MAKING THE TRANSITION
GO EASIER
Remember this transition
time is not just a test of your coping mechanisms,
it is also an opportunity to come into contact
with some of your long suppressed and most precious
attributes as a person.
Support is the
key: Find
a good therapist. Maintain continuity in
your personal relationships. Talk to friends. Use
friends for emotional support, sounding boards,
companionship. Build a social life. Join
a group. Keep busy! Create a phone list for
hard times and USE IT! Here are some groups
you can join: all woman's group, a divorce recovery
group travel club, political club, theater club,
choir, athletic club, investment club, dining
out club, spiritual gatherings. Take a class. Frequent
museums, concerts, theater, art gallery openings.
Get involved in a sport.
It all depends
on attitude: What
we think about our situation contributes to
how we handle the transition. If you hear
yourself saying, "I can't take it," "I'll
never make it!" chances are your body will
respond by tensing up. Stop scaring yourself! Your
body automatically responds to the messages
you say to yourself. Replace your negative
thoughts with positive responses. "I
can take it." "I'll get through
this and move on!"
Change your scene:
Do something NEW.
Take up a new hobby, learn a new language, find
a new sport, get a new haircut, buy an article
of clothing you never dreamed of wearing, travel,
redecorate, buy some fresh flowers, new bedding, put
new pictures in the photo frames, get rid of
the old reminders and mementos.
Take care of
your body: The
more you rest, eat well and exercise, the better
you will feel physically, and this will help
you feels better psychologically. Do something
physical: jog, yoga, bicycle, go to the
gym, dance, scrub the floor, take a walk in
beauty. The link between your mind and body
is a strong one. Just as negative thoughts
create tension in your body, body movements
of freedom ease the strain and stresses of our
minds.
Lists, Lists
and More Lists: Create
a "Things I Can Do When I'm Overwhelmed
List" Start with #1 and work your way down
the list. Focusing on something constructive
can help you get re-centered. Create a "phone
list for hard times". Keep it by the
phone and use it whenever you need to talk to
someone. You don't have to go through this
all alone. Reach out and touch someone.
Create a "20 Things I Love List" and
take a day to do them all.
Fill your life
by fulfilling your own desires: Do
something you've been wanting to do. Pursue
a new creative, enjoyable activity. Get
the degree you've been afraid to get, Make plans. Stay
busy.
Do
something for someone else. Being
there with compassion for someone else lessens
our own sense of isolation. Do some volunteer
work at a local shelter, become a Big Sister,
donate your unused household items. Giving is
a great heart opener.
More on this Topic: Coming
Apart Questions and Answers
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BOOKS
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| "How
to Survive the Loss of a Love" |
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| "Coming
Apart: Why Relationships End
and How to Live Through the
Ending of Yours." |
|
| A
comforting step by step
guide to the emotional
process of parting as
well as a series of
exercises designed to
enable you to work through
the ending of your relationship.
|
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| "Who
Dies: An Investigation of
Conscious Living and Conscious
Dying" |
|
| This
book shows us how to
participate fully in
life as the perfect
preparation for whatever
may come next, be it
sorrow or joy, loss
or gain, death or a
new wonderment at life.
MORE
INFO / PURCHASE |
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| "Crazy
Time: Surviving Divorce
and Building a New Life" |
|
| Charts
the emotional journey
of the breakup of a
marriage--identifying
the common phases that
lead to separation,
divorce, and, eventually,
to a new life. MORE
INFO / PURCHASE |
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| "Surviving
the Breakup" |
|
| Study
of the effect of divorce
on kids. Based on the
Children of Divorce
Project, the landmark
study of how children,
adolescents and their
parents cope during
the first five years
after a family dissolution.
MORE
INFO / PURCHASE |
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Books for Kids: |
| "Dinosaurs
Divorce: A Guide for Changing
Families" |
|
| Goes
step by step in explaining
to kids 5 to 10 what
really happens in a
divorce. MORE
INFO / PURCHASE |
|
| "How
it Feels When Parents Divorce" |
|
| 19
children from age 7-17,
from diverse backgrounds,
share their deepest
feelings about divorce.
MORE
INFO / PURCHASE |
|
| "Divorce
Happens to the Nicest Kids:
A Self Help Book for Kids" |
|
| Ages
9-12. Explains divorce
in a positive and reassuring
manner as he consicely
disproves fourteen irrational
false beliefs concerning
divorce that often cause
children and adolescents
to feel anxious, guilty,
nervous and depressed.
MORE
INFO / PURCHASE |
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Link
to more great books on this topic
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