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Books
I have personally found
the following books by
Dr. Barbara de Angelis
to be
invaluable in my life both personally and professionally.

Are You the One for Me?

Secrets About
Men Every Woman
Should Know


How to Make Love All
the Time

More TESTS

Are You a Yearner?

Are you a Protector?

Related
Links

Yearners & Protectors

Love

What Love Is

Ways We Push Love
From Our Lives

Keeping the Romance
Alive

Related Videos
"Yearners & Protectors:Which One
Are You?"

"The Roadmap to
Intimacy"

"Love Fitness: Creating Greater Intimacy"

From Longing to Belonging

Letting Go

 
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From the Heart Media Television Shows and videos developed by media psychotherapist, interviewer and talk show host, Sheri Meyers Gantman, to facilitate personal growth and improve your health and relationships. Straight from the Heart TV
Sheri Meyers Gantman - Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
 
 
The Mr/Ms. Wrong-For-Me
Relationship Test

This relationship test was created for a feature piece I did on ABC News on fine tuning your Mr/Ms. Wrong-For-Me Radar to help you take a clearer look at your relationship.
Click here to see the video.

Is your partner available for love?  
Do you feel like you are continually pursuing him/her for time, attention and love?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Do you feel like you are 'low on the importance list' in his/her life?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Do you make excuses for your partner's emotional unavailability and why he/she can't be with you or love you in the way you want to be loved?
YES NO SOMETIMES
   
Are you in love with your partner's potential?  
Do you minimize, rationalize or deny problems in the relationship?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Does your partner have any of the following issues that keep getting in the way of trusting or feeling close to him/her?
1. addiction problems (alcohol, drugs, gambling, overworking, anger, sexual)?
2. fear issues (allergies? phobias? fear of change? fear of money? fear of
emotion? fear of commitment? )
3. integrity issues (betrayal, lying, cheating)
     
YES NO SOMETIMES
     
YES NO SOMETIMES
     
YES NO SOMETIMES
Have you fallen more for what’s on the outside than what is on the inside? (looks, financial stability, attraction)
YES NO SOMETIMES
   
Is your love out of balance?  
Do you care more for your partner more than he/she seems to care for you?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Do you recognize that you’re not getting your needs met or the love you deserve, but keep telling yourself that he/she just needs a little more time to get it together or a little more love and understanding from you?
YES NO SOMETIMES
When you want to talk about the future together or feelings for one another, does your partner do any of the following?
1 .emotionally shuts down and goes cold?
2. becomes obviously uncomfortable?
3. blames you for being the way he/she is?
4. tries to change the subject?

 

YES NO SOMETIMES
YES NO SOMETIMES
YES NO SOMETIMES
YES NO SOMETIMES
   
Are you really a match?  
Are your love styles (needs for affection, sexuality, communication, romance) often out of sync with each other?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Do you find that when it comes to what you like to do or who you are or shared values that you don't have a lot in common?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Is more than 35% of the relationship spent feeling unhappy, in conflict or frustrated?
YES NO SOMETIMES
   
Are you in alignment with your personal integrity?  
Are you giving up parts of yourself in order to become the clone of what your partner says he/she wants?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Have you given up your own interests and activities in order to fit into your partner’s life, habits and schedules but find that he/she doesn’t make any effort to fit into yours?
YES NO SOMETIMES
Do you hold back sharing your thoughts and feelings to create a sense of harmony between you?
YES NO SOMETIMES
   
Scoring Values
"Yes" is worth 2 pt
"No" is worth 0 pt
"Sometimes" is worth 1 pt


If you finished with a score value of 6 or more, chances are you have already begun to realize that there are some serious relationship time bombs ticking here. While the willingness to compromise is good, if you are the only one doing it, then it’s a major red flag. It’s time to get honest with yourself and ask "Am I getting the love and intimacy I want in this relationship?"

For intimacy to thrive there must be availability, basic compatibility, mutual interests, honesty, trust, emotional openness and a willingness to share who you are.

Nobody is perfect and most issues are workable, but only if both partners are willing to sit down together and commit to working through their differences. If you are alone in wanting to change your partner or the relationship, you are in for a lonely, painful, uphill battle.

 

Where do I begin?

First: Ask yourself are you getting enough love from your partner?

Second: Seriously look at if you and your partner have the same goals for the relationship? He/She may want a playmate and a fun sexual fling while you may be looking to get settle down and get married. Your relationship needs are going in opposite directions.

Third: Sit down with your partner and take a honest look at what is happening in the relationship. Is there any room for or a willingness to change what isn’t working? Do you need professional help? If you and your partner can’t talk about these things, then there is little potential for an intimate relationship toabout these things, then there is little potential for an intimate relationship to grow.

Honing up Your Mr. Right Radar
Create a compatibility list. All the qualities you would like in a partner. Include qualities missing from past relationships that caused conflicts. Go over this list with your potential partner before going to bed with him/her. Take the time to understand your patterns. The positive and negative qualities that attract you and hook you.


It's important to Know and Discuss the non-negotiables up front.

 

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